


Wordless

by trxtr



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Angst, Carlos Reyes - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt TK Strand, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Tarlos - Freeform, Tarlos Week (9-1-1 Lone Star), Whump, soft, soft angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:32:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26736655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trxtr/pseuds/trxtr
Summary: Words were never a strong suit of Tk's.part 3 of Tarlos Week 2020. prompt: The first I love you.TW: Mention of suicide, and lung cancer; self deprecation.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Judd Ryder & TK Strand, Owen Strand & TK Strand
Comments: 4
Kudos: 72





	Wordless

**Author's Note:**

  * For [brilliantbanshee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/brilliantbanshee/gifts).



> For the third installation of my tarlos week dedication, I want brilliantbanshee to know how much I adore their work. I love the dynamics that they develop throughout most of their stories, and their writing style is gorgeous.
> 
> I hope y'all enjoy.
> 
> **TW: Mention of suicide, and lung cancer; self deprecation.**
> 
> Please excuse any mistakes; thank you!

Words were never a strong suit of Tk's. English was never his subject in school, and even when he had been told by his therapist numerous times to attempt to journal, all he could manage to scribble down was something along the lines of: "I had a good day today." That was it. That was all, for Tk was always at a loss for words. In therapy, with his father, with his crew, Tk always struggled to utter more than a few heartfelt syllables. The rest was mumbo jumbo, flying into the air before he could think. That's what got him his douchebag reputation. The impact of viewing himself as semi-illiterate, coupled with the fact that he had no filter, Tk was kind of... a horrible person, most days.

It wasn't his fault that he had a perpetual tendency to shove others away. They tolerated him, at best. Even his dad, who was always there for him (albeit, after the first fifteen years of Tk's life), was sometimes thrown the curveball of haste filled words, and would fumble over himself trying to figure out how he raised such a _snot filled, self centered dick._ He had no idea. Neither did Tk. Every time anyone fought with him, they would get their entire facade torn down in their faces, and Tk was so tired of it.

He was so tired of breaking people.

It was breaking him.

"Earth to Tk."

Tk was yanked out of his angry, self loathing daze by the one man who he never really figured out how to tear down. He was okay with it, though, because only now did he realize that he was laid down on the couch next to him. He almost immediately yanked his hands to his stomach. He swallowed hard, green eyes grazing past the brown ones quick. He was tired, and he knew Carlos was going to press. Carlos didn't, normally, but after the events of the past few days, he knew that Carlos would force words from Tk's lips, no matter how much the pink slivers of thin skin wanted to stay completely shut. 

Tk nodded, feeling a little resistance in the back of his throat. His right hand creeped up to cover the bruises on his neck; ones Carlos had seen too much already. He didn't look at the other, again, though. The look on his face said it all. He was back there, the night of the fight with his father; where he said things that he could... he could never take back.

__

_"What do you mean you don't want to see her, Tk? She's your mother." Owen tried, exasperated, and obviously exhausted from the chemo. He knew his son was just being typical, especially after a particularly tricky therapy session. Owen was careful around his son, but all of the sudden, a trip they've been planning for months, Tk decided to back out on. It was a superficial subject, sure, but Tk inherited Gwenyth's ongoing and eager distaste towards anything that's ever wronged her._

_Tk was just bitter that she couldn't come when he got shot. When he needed her. As much as Owen backed out when he was little, he still managed to get custody, and Gwen never really looked back. Tk needed his mom just as much as he needed his father._

_"If you're so concerned about it, make her come down here."_

_"What is up with you?" Owen whispered, sitting down in front of his son, across from him on the dining room table. He was confused. Tk could see it, and frankly Tk didn't really know what was pushing him to make such a distasteful attempt to distance himself from his family. "Is this because of that scuffle with Judd at the station earlier, Tk? I thought you two worked that out."_

_"It's not Judd." Tk pursed his lips. He met his father's gaze for a second, before looking back down at his feet. "It's the fact that ever since I opened up to the station, all they do is breathe down my fucking neck."_

_"They-"_

_"Care about me, yeah, I know, Dad." He looked up at the other, locking sober eyes with the man. "I'm so sick of being the reason everyone worries, Dad, and if I go see mom she's gonna worry, and I'm gonna be in New York and you are aware why we moved down here, right?" He swallowed, finally breaking his gaze with the other. His apple irises were staring down at his intertwined fingers, jaw clenched._

_"Well, do they have a reason to worry?" Owen asked, and Tk really hoped his father recognized that that was the wrong question to ask. He knew his father was incredibly worried about the recent mood swings and outbursts the other was having, all indicators of what Tk used to-_

_No, no, no, no, no, wait- is he fucking serious right now?_

_"Did you seriously just ask me that?" Tk growled, tears beginning to well in his narrowed eyes. "Do you seriously think I'm using again?"_

_"Tk, I-"_

_"Are you fucking kidding me? Dad, I've been busting my ass for you. I've been going to every appointment, trying to pick up extra shifts because we are always understaffed, I-" He cut himself off after a moment, tears slipping from his eyelids as he met the gaze of his concerned father. He wasn't trying to pin it all on him, but he was so stressed; so angry and upset that he couldn't figure out what to say._

_And that's where his loud mouth, shoot first, ask questions later mentality betrayed him._

_"No, no fuck you, Dad, I hope your cancer fucking kills you."_

_His hand flew to his mouth the second he said it, his knees slowly losing integrity. He knew he had gone too far, based on the horrified look in Owen's eyes, that was somehow mixed with understanding._

_"I- I'm sorry, Its not- That's not what I meant I didn't mean it I-"_

_"I know what you meant, Tk."_

_What Tk didn't know was that his father actually did know, and he was just as frustrated with the treatment. Tk needed time for himself, and he knew that. So, when he turned on his heel, sprinting out the door, Owen did not follow._

_He should have followed._

__

Carlos had been the one to find Tk, and though Tk knew it, he really couldn't remember much of what happened after that fight, in between getting to Carlos's place and waking up in an ambulance.

_Nice going, genius, try to kill yourself in your boyfriend's house._

Tk was thinking about it again, and it was so obvious on his silent features that it was taking a toll on the pale, bruised boy. It didn't matter that Owen had come into his hospital room, and forgiven him. It didn't matter that, once the got himself in check, he would be offered his thousandth second chance. He was so sick of doing this; tearing people down to feel better.

He still couldn't speak. It was raw, and any noise he made with his throat was immediately chased by a stream of tears. 

Carlos wouldn't let him get too deep, though. Within moments, the taller was reaching under Tk's chin, and looking in his eyes. Tk felt his heart skip a beat after a couple seconds. 

He was so afraid. 

He didn't want Carlos to be disappointed. Not again. Not after everything that's already happened to disappoint his significant other. He was tired of disappointing him. He was done with it.

But before Tk could give him man apologetic look, Carlos shushed him, bringing his thumb to his lips. "You need to stop doing this to yourself, Tk." Carlos began. Tk saw him lean forward, and his lips make contact. "You don't realize how appreciative he is of you. He would talk my ear off about how much he liked that you were with hm. He was worried that you were overworking yourself... Babe, he understands." Carlos locked eyes with the other, and Tk could see a twinge of insecurity painted in his eyes.

And then there was a _fuck it_ moment, and Carlos opened his mouth again.

"He was worried; I was so worried, god, Tk, I-" He swallowed. "I love you, and the fact that you blame yourself for every little thing, I... you don't deserve that. You never have." Carlos took one hand away to wipe his tears, eyes trained on Tk's eyelashes. "You-"

"I love you, too," Tk blinked, almost wide eyed at how easy the words came out. Sure, the situation was less than ideal, but Carlos had let it slip, and Tk wasn't going to have it be an open ended statement. He knew exactly what to say, for the first time in a few weeks. It... it felt good.

"What?" Carlos was obviously confused by the interruption, but his eyes were wide when he realized what he had said.

"I love you too, Carlos."


End file.
